If you randomly ask 10 people on the street who is more intelligent, animals or humans, you will probably get all 10 to say that humans are definitely the most superior creatures on planet earth – which may or may not be true.

Animals are true to their nature. They trust their natural-born instincts. Almost every decision or act they partake in serves only two purposes: survival and replication.

On the other hand, humans built super structures, harvested natural energy and developed technology. But not without adopting wacko beliefs; things we believe are true but without reason, logic or scientific proofs. Like reincarnation, luck or fate. That things happen because they were supposed to happen, and they couldn’t have happened in any other way.

Maybe by believing in this, we somehow alleviate ourselves from the guilt of all what we could have accomplished, but didn’t! Of all the other places we could have been, but haven’t. Maybe because life is easier like this, to believe in fate and a master plan for the universe. That things will eventually work out, even though we all know people who left this world without things really working out for them.

Going back in time to dwell on the choices you made (or didn’t make) is painful and useless. However, there might be a bit of sweetness there underneath the bitterness of the medicine; the cure for this ultimate master plan.  

The medicine is in Monte Carlo.

No not the gambling hotspot in Monaco though, but the algorithm.

A Monte Carlo simulation is basically a computer software that can be used to predict a series of outcomes in situations of uncertainty. By choosing a set of variables, the algorithm runs different scenarios, and each scenario randomly chooses the variables and give you the result.

The hypothetical what-if scenarios we joke about from time to time, without actually knowing what could have happened are now a living nightmare. That nightmare has a name: Monte Carlo. A method invented by a half-mad scientist while recovering from a brain surgery after World War II.

Imagine trying to play this game, choosing certain major events in your life as a set of variables, and let Mr. Stanislaw Ulam (the mad mathematician) show you how your life could have ended up, if say, you marry that girl you fell in love with 10 years ago, or resigned from that stupid job you hated or even bought a flight ticket to your dream destination and never looked back.

Make no mistake, this isn’t in the realm of fiction, like if you were born in a different country, or if your parents were filthy rich, or your IQ was a bar below Einstein. No, this is your real life playing out in different countless scenarios, based on decisions that you actually made.

Imagine looking at the screen and seeing the countless ways your life could have ended up. Imagine you scrolling down the results only to find that one life that you have always wanted, where you had made all the perfect choices and you ended up happy and successful and doing what you love. All of that could have been yours, but it didn’t; all because you fucked up. Because that’s what we do as humans, we aren’t true to our nature. Everyday we try our best to make decisions under high-levels of risk and uncertainty, hoping we end up doing what is right for us.

And if we didn’t, we always have that fallback plan that it wasn’t meant to happen.

I don’t really need a Monte Carlo simulation to do that for me, I already know it in my heart. I know where I fucked up. I know there is nothing in the world that I can do to change that, so I am stuck now inside my Monte Carlo simulation, feeling hopeless and helpless.

I am in constant war with a computer algorithm fucking my way toward the end of days.

All I could hope for is a random event to happen out of the blue, an event was never accounted for by fate or my Monte Carlo. And I could eventually, somehow, end up happy and successful and doing the things I love.

Until then . . Life breaks my bones, and I laugh.

“There is a brief moment when you first wake up where you have no memories. A blissful blank slate, a happy emptiness. But it doesn’t last long, and you remember exactly where you are and what you’re trying to forget.” – Unknown.