I have always wanted to believe that my past doesn’t define who I am today; that I am not what happened to me. That I am what I chose to become.
But every now then, something must happen to remind you that the choices you make have consequences. Your past is like a wind at your back, driving you forward and steering you in all kind of crazy directions. I made a lot of bad choices growing up, but I was so young back then, how could I have known any better? Or at least that’s the story I tell myself before I go to sleep.
Although, you can’t help yourself but to wonder what would you do differently if you had to do it all over again? What would you tell your 18 old self? What are the things that you know now that could make a difference if you knew it back then?
After the trivial (fashion advice, travel more often, fuck what everyone else thinks of you) and after the motivational kick in the ass (work harder than your age, save some money, always go for the kiss) and after the unintentional comedy (buy Apple stocks,the world isn’t going to end in 2012) after all of that, what would I really tell him?
I don’t know if I really learned anything in the last 12 years worth telling.
What would I tell him? That money is everything. That passion doesn’t pay your bills. That no one really gives a fuck about you. That life is so fuckin’ unfair. Or that love doesn’t triumph all.
I don’t think any of these lessons are actually worth telling.
Maybe I will tell him to do the same mistakes all over again – except this time to enjoy them rather than regret them.
What about you? What would you tell your 18 old self?
“I wish I had the courage not to fight and doubt everything; I wish, just once, I could say, ‘This. This is good enough. Just because I choose it.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke.